You blink and they grow up.
I have so many thoughts; I don’t know where to begin. I can’t believe he’s a year old!I had no idea what to expect coming into motherhood. The most common question I get is “Is it what you thought it would be?” And honestly? It’s better.
This kid is so much fun. I never knew babies could have so much personality even from the youngest age. His smile (with his eight little teeth showing) is infectious; he’s always curious. He is a little daredevil.
Keep in mind, every mother and child is unique, and my experience might be different than yours – so I hope this is helpful to some, but like everything in life – take what serves you and leave what doesn’t. I found some fun questions and I am sharing what I’ve learned along the way and what helped and what I have learned about myself through my first year in motherhood.
I envisioned the first year of motherhood as an endlessly long, rough patch filled with tears, sleepless nights, loss of identity, and social life, and I thought that all mothers must be miserable. Unfortunately, that’s what society and social media portray. But I realized early on that we, as mothers, don’t have enough resources to set us up for success due to the system and society we live in. It’s tough, and there are tears and sleepless nights. Additionally, we often experience identity loss, and our social life is different than before. However, every day we can start anew and become better mothers to our children, just like I did with Memphis.
What surprised me most?
Lots of things! But three that come to mind are…
One – the hormones.
I think back on how wild your hormones are during the early days! I remember truly not recognizing myself. During pregnancy, I had never been a crier or emotional, but man, I was a different person during the newborn days. You can just FEEL them surging through you. You feel like your mind is playing tricks on you. You will wonder what’s wrong with you and why the simplest things are so hard. Or why you seem to snap over the dumbest things or why *this specific thing* feels SO huge and like such a big deal. This is NORMAL – nothing can ever prepare you for how it feels, but it’s helpful going in knowing that “this is not the new you” and you will not be that person forever! I think looking back I may have had a little bit of PPA. I would lie in bed, and my mind would just race through all the horrible things that could happen to her, especially once he started sleeping in his crib around 5 months, I was terrified of SIDS.
Two – how much my priorities changed.
This is actually only true in some aspects. The most surprising is that I went from someone who was once VERY career-driven to someone who is OK with just maintaining the status quo with work right now. Before Memphis, I tossed the idea about going back to school for my master’s, but now I care more about being able to spend time with my family than I care about advancing my career. (maybe one day I will go back to school and expand my career – but for now, I am content)
Three – embracing that motherhood brings changes.
The moment I became a Mom, my entire world changed. It would never be the same the second he was placed in my arms, in fact, the second I found out I was pregnant. The worries settled in, the love was incredible, and my outlook on everything around me was completely different.
What am I most proud of this past year?
I’m most proud of Matt and me as a team. We shared a vision of what we wanted our lives as a family to look like, and for the most part, we’ve done a really good job of living it out. He is the most incredible, hands-on father. We truly share parenting duties equally, and I’m so grateful for the partnership we have.
How did I prepare for motherhood?
There is no right answer. I do not believe you ever will be 100% prepared to become a mother. No matter how many classes you take or advice you listen to, nothing prepares you.
Do you ever long for your old life before Memphis?
I do, but not in the way I thought I would before having a baby. What I miss most is the spontaneity. I miss being able to make off-the-cuff dinner plans. I miss long, leisurely 8pm dinners before they were considered “dates.” Now I feel like going out to dinner is an “event” because you have to plan ahead, find a babysitter – it’s a whole thing, you know?
How do you make time for yourself during motherhood?
I wrote a post about finding time for myself. I think the number one take-away is to make time for yourself, and having a life and an identity outside of being a mother is important. Go outside, go to the grocery store alone, go get your car washed. Having your alone time is crucial and helps keep you sane. Read 5 ways i have “me time” in motherhood
Motherhood is something that you cannot explain until you experience it. I believe that before becoming a parent, when you hear others say that “it’s not about you anymore,” it sounds awful. However, it is undeniably true. Your life is not over, but life with a baby demands immense sacrifice. Your priorities naturally shift, and all that you once thought was important becomes muted background noise. Nothing compares to the joy of witnessing your baby smile, laugh, and learn new things.
Best advice for new/expecting moms?
Couple pieces of advice: You can’t control what kind of baby you get, but you can control how you react. Know that everything is figure-outable, and everything is a phase – good & bad. Trust your gut on everything you can, you know more than you think you do, but also know that sometimes you need to bring in reinforcements. When you run into a roadblock (your baby won’t sleep, you’re having a feeding issue, etc.), get help. Understand how to find resources if you are struggling or need assistance during postpartum. There are more resources out there for moms than ever before, and we just know so much more about infant-related subjects, from infant sleep to feeding to whatever.
Having trouble with your baby sleeping?
Sleep regression was one roadblock I was not prepared for. No one talks about sleeping issues but remember it is only temporary. I read many books and schedules, and we found one that worked best for our family. There are lots of sleep consultants out there who can help you, such as Peaceful Littles or Taking Cara Babies. Need help with feeding? Of course, hiring help isn’t in the cards for everyone, but there are lots of great free resources out there too! Ask friends, do your research, search on Instagram – you’ll find a wealth of information. Please don’t just accept that “it is what it is.” There are many things you can do to troubleshoot that you may not know because you are not a certified expert in this area.
On maintaining a social life/making friendships:
Everyone wants to know the secret to maintaining a life after having a child. I have said it before and I will say it 100 more times: If you do not want your life to revolve around your baby, then you have to make an effort to not center your life around your baby. That is the long and short of it.
Tips for working moms and mom guilt?
Working moms play many roles. As a full-time working mom, things are not always easy, especially for moms in general. However, adding working full-time and being a full-time mom into the mix makes things even more complicated. Adding that to the mix with mom guilt, and it can be overwhelming. As a nurse, I find that it is a gratifying job that involves hard work, and I get to meet amazing people and help others. There are days when I work for 14 hours, feel exhausted and need a vacation, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Finding balance is essential, and not feeling guilty should be a must. I am fortunate because I don’t feel guilty for leaving my child with our moms to bond with my husband and spend quality time or for occasionally going out with friends past his bedtime or missing a nap. Instead, I get excited to see his sweet little face when I come home from work. I know that letting him know that I am wholly focused on being a better mother, and seeing him adapt to changes teaches him important life skills. As moms, we don’t need to “do it all,” but be happy with what we’ve got. Raising an emotionally healthy son with the example of a life well-lived is the ultimate goal for every mom. So don’t let mom guilt get in your way and celebrate being a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, or a hopeful mom.
Tips for feeling less than/mom comparison?
If there is anything in your life that is not serving you well or making you feel like a bad mother, get rid of it. Stay away from social media. Hit the unfollow button, delete your Instagram account if you need to, withdraw from a friendship, stop reading articles, advice, books, etc., that do not resonate with you. I’m serious. Be ruthless about it. Put up boundaries. You don’t have the time for things that don’t serve you – you have a human being to raise!
Happy birthday week my Memphis. You light up our lives. We’re so proud to be your parents. ♥️
